Champ or Chump

In my world, running is prayer and equivalent in all aspects.  It is impossible for me to separate the two.  When I am in a strong running groove, likewise, I'm in a strong prayer groove.  Running rut = Prayer rut.  It's time I get my groove back.

Stop me if you've heard this before, but during the last few lunch runs I've felt a theme running through my mind.  My "Spirit-Man" is a Champ, but my flesh is a Chump.  Sometimes the Champ doesn't feel like coming out, so the Chump claims victory.  I hate that.  Sometimes the Champ takes a dive.  I hate that even more.

Let's face it, life is just one big race.  We have no choice but to run it.  We all will cross the finish line one day.  When we do, the Judge will not ask us if we placed in our age group.  He'll look inside our hearts and be able to tell instantly if we threw the race.

Run so as to win, my friends.

Bonus Lesson from my Spirit Man:

Run with your head up, looking forward towards the finish line.  Keep it in your sights.  If you're always looking down, you won't see what hazard is coming at you.  While swimming in a triathlon you have to sight where you are going after every couple of strokes, otherwise you'll go way off course in the water.

What's On the Menchu?

For years growing up, that was my Dad's way of asking what was for dinner, and it drove my Mom bananas.  Upon finishing the meal, the typical response was an imitation of my Pappy's deep drawl, "pretty fair chow bay-bee."

My cooking skills are limited to breakfast. I can scramble eggs and I make a pretty faithful version of my Grandma Denton's homemade biscuits. That's about where it ends.

My wife, on the other hand, is a wizard in the kitchen.  She takes pride in cooking anything and everything and she loves to experiment with new ideas, especially when it comes to our little Dylan who apparently has a food allergy.  (What exactly he is allergic to we have yet to uncover, but currently Kim has taken him off of dairy and gluten and the rash that has been bothering him is clearing up nicely.)

Back to my main point though, a meal in the Williams household is rarely a quick or easy feat.  She puts out dishes that deserve to be shown on the Food Network, and we've actually joked that she should send in an idea for a show called "One Armed Chef," since many times, she's cooking while holding a baby.

I love to come home to the aroma of dinner cooking.  To me, that's home.  I really need to fix the weatherstripping on our front door because I can smell dinner before I walk in!  I go to the kitchen to see what is cooking and usually don't have to wait long for dinner to begin.  We'll call the boys to the table and as they all run up and go to their chairs, sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, one of them will look at the plate and say, "YUCK!"

Our boys are not really that picky, but sometimes, they do not agree with what it is we are having for dinner and they will complain about it to no end.  Sometimes it is something little, like butter on mashed potatoes.  Other times it's the whole meal, and they haven't learned that you don't tell someone who just spent hours cooking your dinner that it is "gross."

The other day, my good friend Clay and I met for a prayer breakfast at McDonald's.  After discussing who is our favorite Beatle John or Paul, the writing skills of Robert Plant vs. Pete Townshend and the merits of quitting our real jobs to pursue our true calling of becoming rock stars, we settled in on the real task at hand which was, after all, to pray.

My prayer was to obtain the Graces necessary to accept God's Will in all things, and we turned to the analogy a picky eater.  Heaven is often described as a wedding feast.  A banquet.  There will be food and when the LORD serves us our dinner, we better not say "YUCK!"

But sometimes I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing when I don't agree with God's Will for me.  He has plans for us all.  He has a plan for me.  That plan requires my cooperation.  He puts things in motion, and if it bucks my system I'm like the boy crying because there's butter on my mashed potatoes.

"How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" --Pink Floyd

Of course, all kids (myself included) will gladly clean their plates if it is full of dessert!  Yet, your belly doesn't stay full for long afterwards, and you are left wanting more.  Desserts are not filling, not nourishing and do not sustain our bodies.  We need the long lasting food of the banquet.  We need meat! 

"I gave you milk to drink, not meat; for you were not able as yet. But neither indeed are you now able; for you are yet carnal." --1 Corinthians 3:2

It's after dinner now at the Williams household.  The boys are upstairs playing, Dylan is watching Go Diego GO and Kim looks at me and says "If you do the dishes I'll be your best friend..."

"I want you to 'want' to do the dishes" --My wife

Remember how I said that Kim is a wizard in the kitchen?  Well, it takes a lot of pots and pans and measuring cups and baking pans and spoons and forks and knives and just about every item in our pantry to prepare that meal!  And I totally agree with the "I cook, you clean" philosopy of duties.  But, WOW, the kitchen looks like a tornado just ripped through Sur la Table!  Now, this is where God is molding me.  He knows that I need this.  I need to understand that to get the good - the feast, the prize, the eternal reward; I have to deal with the things that help get me there.  In short, God's plan has dishes!  Illness.  Job uncertainty.  Monetary struggles.  Temptations.  Africa.  These are all just part of the deal.  You have to take the bad with the good.  There could be no Resurrection on Easter Sunday until Christ had suffered and died on Good Friday.
 
I want to do God's dishes.  I want to be at the Heavenly banquet, and I want to clean my plate.  And when I'm done, I want to look up at God and say, "Pretty fair chow bay-bee."

Home Sweet Home...it's about TIME!!!

The picture may be blurry, but I just had to post it.  I was so happy to be home.  Walking through the door was like coming home to Heaven.  The boys had made crafts for me, one of which was the American Flag hanging on the door with "Sweet Home USA" written underneath.

When people ask me how long I was gone, I'd say "a week and a half."  But that doesn't do the absence justice!  It's funny how my perception of time has always been.  I've always looked at time in two ways: the overall and the in the moment.  This trip for example, I look back now on the trip and it seems like it was just yesterday that I was getting on the plane to travel to Africa, yet here I am happily at home in the "blink of an eye."  However, living each of those days that I was gone, it really makes me want to stress to everyone how long "a week and a half" is.  (If you're wondering, it was 9.125 days, or 219 hours or 13,140 minutes.)  In a way, I think this is a glimpse of what God sees in our lives.  We see the moment that we are in, and we can reflect on the moment that just passed, or postulate about the moments to come.  God, however, sees the entire trip from start to finish.

It was no mistake that I read A Severe Mercy while on this trip.  One of Vanauken's themes throughout the book is time, or rather, the quest for the Timeless moments.  Those moments that last forever, when you are unmolested by what's next or what appointment is pending, etc.  Of course, this doesn't exist here on earth, but only in Eternity.  It was interesting that he, and C.S. Lewis, used this yearning as a proof of an Eternal Afterlife.  Our souls are not meant for this world, and as such, they long for Eternity.

Another interesting point of view I gained from this trip is how uncertainty, which is basically fear, can rob us of what God truly wants us to have.  The ultimate gift that God wants us to have is Eternal Life with Him in Heaven.  In order to possess that ultimate gift we have to pay the "ultimate price" of our lives.  I love life, and to be quite honest, the thought of death is uneasy for me to say the least.  There are lots of uncertainties with death and the afterlife.  We have some promises that we can fall back on, but there is no "eye witness proof."

So, my trip to Africa represents my present take on death/dying.  I did not want to do it.  I dreaded leaving my family (death) and the long lines at the airport/long flights (Purgatory, no doubt).  But once I arrived at my final destination (ok, I cannot, in truth, call Africa "Heaven"...sorry) It was OK.  I was OK.  I was pleasently surprised at how "normal" it was.

Conversely, my return trip home from Africa represents what I'm striving for as a Christian.  I looked forward to it.  I was leaving a place that I knew was not my home (death.)  Yes, the lines and flights (Purgatory) would be long and taxing, but I knew what was waiting for me when I arrived at my final destination of home (Heaven.)  Again, walking through the door that day was like entering the Pearly Gates of Heaven.  I was greeted by my children and loving wife.  The house was so warm and cozy.  So welcoming.  Candles flickered on the table and many more on the mantle.  It was nothing short of heavenly.  It was one of those "timeless" moments that I just wanted to freeze and remain there...after a shower, of course.

Mark 9:24

I've been thinking about this post since last week, when Casa Doyle (minus one) came to join us for dinner.  While the kids were playing, Alice, Kim and I were discussing Faith.  I don't recall the exact train of thought that this caboose was on, but somehow we got on to the subject of the "Gospel of Prosperity" that we sometimes hear today.  "God wants you to be successful.  God wants you to be financially well off." 

This sort of "preaching" also usually refuses to acknowledge suffering of any sort.  Suffering should be avoided at all costs.  Suffering is not something to deal with.  In fact, if you just have enough faith, all of your ailments will be healed.  And that is what our conversation zeroed in on.

I listen to KSBJ every day during my commute, and one day the morning DJ mentioned that his daughter is suffering with multiple issues, but they are praying every day for a complete and total healing.  Callers were calling in expressing their prayers, and others to say that they had this or that ailment, but God healed them completely.  The DJ asked one girl who had been struggling with an illness for some time if she could pinpoint when exactly she was healed.  The girl replied that when she really believed that God would heal her, that's when the healing came.

There is something about that statement that really strikes a chord with me.  There's a song on KSBJ right now by Addison Road called "What Do I Know of Holy" that puts it well in the second verse:

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out,
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about,
How You were mighty to save,
But those were only empty words on a page..."

We have all heard stories of out of miraculous healings happening, and as Christians, we believe that God, the Creator of all things, has power over His creation, including the power to cure the incurable disease.  The question then becomes, "why doesn't God heal everyone?"  Is it really, as the girl on the radio said, tied to our faith?

The title of this post is from Mark, and Mark speaks a lot about our faith.  It is here that we find that Jesus is unable to perform any miracles in Nazareth because of the lack of peoples' faith (Mark 6:1-6).  So, it seems there is some scriptural evidence to the young woman's claim.

So, does that mean that if you are praying for a healing and it doesn't come, that your faith is lacking?  I don't believe that, and I turn to the story of Lazarus in the Gospel of John for my reasoning.  When Jesus hears that Lazarus is sick, he doesn't immediately go to him.  Instead Jesus waits for two days before leaving to go be with Lazarus, and by the time Christ was in Bethany, Lazarus was dead.  Jesus loved Lazarus (John 11:3), so why would he wait?  Because He was going to use the situation to Glorify the Father (John 11:4), and strengthen the disciples' belief (John 11:15).

How many times have we said with Martha and Mary, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died"?  Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Father, Mother, Husband, Wife?  But He IS with us, and He will not forsake us.

So what is my point to this whole post?  I fall into the category of believers that maintain God can perform miracles, but usually chooses not to, not based on our lack of faith, but on the good that will be born of suffering.  God will not leave us.  His hand is always leaving fingerprints on our situations.  But, basically, "don't expect a miracle."  It bothers me that I fall into this category.  I feel like I've mailed in the chance for my faith to move mountains (Matthew 17:20.) 

So I say along with the boy's father in Mark 9:24, "Lord, I do believe, help my unbelief!"

Multi-Tasking

I've always yearned to have the true gift of Multi-Tasking:  to do several things both simultaneously and WELL!  I have the several things simultaneously down pat...it's the "well" part that I don't have.  I'm working on it.  For the most part, I just try to get as many things done as possible, and if there's any way to combine tasks and complete them at the same time, its all the better.  Which brings me to today's post.

One of the things I was thinking about yesterday was the phrase "doing the LORD's work," and I envisioned God as my boss sitting behind His desk and me sitting there with Him receiving instruction.  God has a job for all of us to do and we need to think long and hard if we are doing our jobs as well as we possibly can.  Following the "God-as-our-boss" analogy, we are paid a salary by God, and it is a truly equal salary that we are paid.  We are paid in TIME.  God gives everyone the same 24 hours in a day.  How well am I spending the time I've been given?  How much of the time that I've been given have I used to His Glory vs. chasing after my own selfish wants and desires?

Then came my lunch run and in the true spirit of wanting to multi-task and make good use of the one hour of time that I have been given for lunch I decide to run and to pray the rosary.  I've been talking a lot lately about God and Running and Spiritual vs. Physical fitness, so it only seems logical to finally and officially marry the two so they truly become one!  So here I am running and praying the rosary and then the thought occurs to me that I should be using this time to evangelize.  But how?  Hmmm, I wonder how many people see me huffing and puffing as I make 3 rounds around the block?  I wonder if I wore a shirt that had a Godly message on it?  What would that message be?

So, that's it.  I'm now on a quest to create some simple, Godly-Themed Shirts to use as I run.  My first Idea is below.  I created this on Zazzle.com.

Front of Shirt:  All You Need is GOD

Back of Shirt:  GOD is All You Need

It needs to be simple and to the point.  And honestly, I'm wanting these messages to bring Faith, Hope and Love to anyone seeking it, even if it means they stop me and want to talk about it.  So I'm just trying to think of a few good ideas that will make people stop and think of God if they see the message.

Please post here with some simple messages that you think would be good to put on a shirt that would spread the love of God!

The Physical and Spiritual Fitness Connection, Part 2

Continuing on a previous post regarding the connection I feel between physical fitness and spiritual fitness, this post comes courtesy of yesterday's lunch run.  Let me set the scene for you:

It was a gorgeous day outside: mid to low 80's, low humidity, cobalt blue skies.  It was a calm day inside, ie: not many fires to put out around the lab.  I had brought my running clothes out of habit more than actually thinking I was going to run at lunch, but somewhere around 10:00 am, I started getting a tinge of a headache and it just kept growing.  Around 11:30 am, I start soliciting takers for going out to eat, but nobody took me up on it.  I knew I should go running...that I needed to go running*...but I had a headache.

I made a half hearted motion out the door as though I'd go to lunch by myself, but I didn't make it.  I forced myself to grab my bag and head out.  I figured the fresh air would do me good.  That there was a reason why no one would go to lunch with me and that reason is that I was supposed to go running that day.  That I would somehow benefit from it.

And that leads me to the latest connection between physical and spiritual fitness:

You should do it even if you don't want to.

With exercise there are many excuses that I can use to not run:  "It's too hot/cold/humid/rainy/sunny outside to run."  "My foot/knee/hips/toe/head hurts."  "I don't have the time to run."  "Free Lunch!!"  I have many excuses when it comes to neglecting prayer as well:  "I don't have time to pray."  "I'm not 'feeling' it today."  "I don't know what to pray for."  "I can't concentrate enough to pray."

"The spirit it willing but the flesh is weak."
--Matthew 26:41

My spirit wants to pray.  My spirit wants me to exercise because my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and here lately, the temple has got some weeds that need pulling, some places that need some touching up and some rotten wood that needs replaced.

So, I forced myself to go running.  Again, I thought that the fresh air would do me good.  I would start out slow and just see how it goes.  I forgot my mp3 player and so I knew I'd have a lot of time to just be with my thoughts and to pray.  By the time I got out there, my tinge of a headache had turned into a full blown headache, and after the first quarter mile it was throbbing.  To take my mind off of it, I began to sing to myself the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and little by little, step by step, my headache started to go away.  By the end of the run, it was completely gone!  I was amazed!  As I took note of what had happened, I realized that I had to post on here about the importance of exercising and praying even though sometimes I don't want to.  You never know the benefit/blessings you will receive until you do it!  In my case on Friday, my headache went away.  In the case of prayer, I've heard it said (C.S. Lewis?) that the prayers that are the most efficacious are those that we pray even when we don't want to pray.  I believe that we will never truly know how much our prayers meant to others until the Particular Judgement.  At that time, we'll see just what impact we had on other people's lives.

So what is it that causes the "don't wants"?  For me I think it basically boils down to pride, the original and most deadly of the seven deadlies.  The sin that goes before all other sins.  I find it hard to run if I "don't have anything to run for," meaning that I'm not training for a race.  I need to remind myself that I am still "running for a reason," and that reason is my health and, ulitmately, my family.

Spiritually, I realize now and admit that pride has kept me from growing in the way the LORD has wanted.  I have always "taken pride" in the fact that I'm a "good Catholic."  Go to Mass, read the bible, pray, etc., etc., etc.  However, I should have realized that if I was "taking pride" in these things, I was missing the point!  To put it one way, I had an inflated "Faith Ego."  This inflated faith ego prevented me from going to the ACTS Retreat for three years.  I thought I didn't need it.  It would do me no good.  I wouldn't get anything out of it.  Well, God allowed me to eat some Humble Pie for a while and finally, my Spirit cried out loud enough to trump my Flesh and I signed up for the retreat.  There were many obstacles put in my way, none bigger than when my car needed $600.00 of repairs two weeks before the retreat.  I couldn't afford to go.  Even though they say money will not prevent anyone from attending, my pride was the first to cry out that I, "wasn't going to accept charity."  Instead of calling it off right away I slept on it, and I noticed that my first reaction to anything is that of the flesh, and this case was no exception.

"The spirit it willing but the flesh is weak."
--Matthew 26:41

So I decided to ignore my flesh and make the call to the Retreat directors to see if we could work something out.  I'm so glad I did, because from the moment I got there until the moment I left, I could hear God talking to me, reaffirming that I was not only meant, but called to be there.  After three years of telling God "no," I finally said, "yes" and He has blessed me ever since.

So, to quote a famous ad, when it comes to exercise or praying:

JUST DO IT!

And in hindsight, it is comical that I write this.  Just last night I was telling Kim that I was trying to gain motivation from my good friend and Iron Man Triathlete David McCullough.  I asked him what kept him motivated during those tough days when he didn't want to get out there.  His answer was to "Just Do It!"  I told Kim, "that doesn't help me at all!"  Yet here I am agreeing!

*When we were in Florida I bought one of those Life is Good T-shirts that says, "Gotta Run." Here lately when I wear that I feel a little bit guilty, and joke that it should say, "Need to Run." Hence the pictures on this post.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

"Summer has come and passed,
The innocence can never last.
Wake me up when September ends."
--Green Day, "Wake Me Up When September Ends"

I can't believe how quickly time has flown this summer. As September draws to a close, I thought I'd post a quick note on what we did this past month.


First of all, we began the 2009 - 2010 school year! Evan is now in 4th grade and Elliot is in the 1st grade. We needed a better space for our homeschool room, so we decided to make the breakfast area the Homeschool room. This has worked out well. There is more space for all the boys to be in the area at once(Drew is pre-K 4, and he has his own desk and workbook and Dylan is constantly wanting to be near his brothers...the room at the top of the stairs just wasn't fit for that many students), and now Kim has her very own Sewing Room! She has made several nifty little items such as a purse and a coffee thingy that replaces the cardboard one that goes on your Starbucks cup. She's so crafty. Here's a picture of the Homeschool Area for 2009 - 2010. I'll let Kim post a picture of her Sewing Room.

With the start of the school year, so too begins the Cub Scouts. Evan is a Webelos I this year and they've been meeting all summer long. Elliot, however, had his first official Cub Scout meeting and he is just so excited. I've actually volunteered to be an assistant den leader since their den has 15 boys (yikes!) We are gearing up to go camping for the Fall Family Campout in two weeks. Pop will be joining us once again and we look to pick up where we left off. The boys are all so excited and so am I! Here's a picture of Evan and Elliot before Elliot's first Tiger den meeting!

September was a difficult month on the fitness front. I had to accept that I had not adequately trained for the Olympic Triathlon in Dallas, and had to drop out. The blow also hit my ego which responded with hearty case of the "don't wants" for all things fitness related. I did, however, manage to run Monday (small victory). It is all good, though, because now that I am not going to do the Tri, I will be able to go camping as mentioned previously.

And I can't fail to mention the ACTS Retreat. I've been running from it for 3 years but it seems like 10! Thanks to all those who kept nudging me to go because it was wonderful. The Holy Spirit was definitely moving and working in there that weekend. There certainly are no coincidences, and I was certainly meant to be on that exact one. Amazing.

The Physical and Spiritual Fitness Connection: Part 1

While training for various events, my mind often turns to the thought of the connection between physical fitness and spiritual fitness, and how preparing for a race is very similar to living our lives on earth as preparation for Heaven.  The more I train, the more I'm convinced that St. Paul was an athlete.

"Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize? Run so as to win.  Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one.  Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing.  No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified."  {1 Cor. 9:24-27)

So, with that in mind, I thought I'd start a list of the ways my spiritual fitness is connected to my physical fitness in no particular order.  Maybe you can relate.

1.  It never gets easier.  This is the most obvious one.  Every day I get out there it takes a while before I can find my groove.  Whether it's on the bike or running, I'm amazed how difficult it is for me to get going.  My immediate reaction is to ask, "will this ever get easier?!"  The answer, in short, is "NO!"  When you do it right, exercise should always challenge your limits so you can go farther, faster or longer (more on that with #2 below.)

Likewise, the "race of life" will never get easier as St. Paul has warned us.  Every day we face the temptations of this world and they will never stop.  So, we must push ourselves to be spiritually fit enough to endure these challenges.

2.  To see improvement you have to get out of your comfort zone.  I can't count how many times I've "hit a plateau" in my exercising where no matter what I do, I won't lose any more weight.  This happens in dieting also.  Your body gets used to the routine that you've given it day in and day out and it has adapted and no longer responds as quickly with the weight loss.  The only way to break out of the plateau is to change up your routine and do something your body isn't used to.  For me this means that while running 3 miles at lunch 3 times a week is better than going to eat Thai food, my body is saying, "ho hum."  Note:  this doesn't mean that it's easy!! (See point #1).  I need to spice it up with interval training, speed workouts and the like.  I need to get on the bike more and longer.  I need to get in the water.  I need to change up my diet.  Only then will my body begin to respond again.

I've spoken about being in a spiritual rut before, and maybe you've experienced that as well.  It's the same thing.  When you stay in your comfort zone, it's easy to be lulled into your existence as a Christian.  I'm not trying to discount daily prayers and Sunday Mass, but if all I'm doing is my daily prayers and Sunday Mass, my soul gets bored, and that is the start of a rut.  To get out of my comfort zone, I need to do more:  Pray with my wife, daily Mass a few times a month, Eucharistic Adoration, frequent confession, witnessing, ministering.  These things exercise our spirits and give our souls that boost.

3.  You have to get out there.  Again, this is tied to #2.  I subscribe to Runner's World, and as a member of USAT I receive a quarterly Triathlon magazine.  I also have lots of friends who run and do triathlons and I speak to them often.  But if all I did was read about running and triatlons, or talk to my friends about running and triathlons, it will never get me prepared to actually participate in the event.  Of course it is good to read about it so I can gain motivation, pick up helpful tips, or even spot that newest gadget that I have to have ;), but I still have to actually get out there and run, bike and swim.

It is very similar with my spiritual fitness.  Again, I do not want to discount the importance of reading the Bible or stories of the Saints or inspirational stories and devotionals, or discussing the Faith with our friends.  This is very important.  But once we've read and once we've interacted and have been inspired, we must ACT on that, as St. James has written of:

"Be doers of the word and not hearers only, deluding yourselves.  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his own face in a mirror.  He sees himself, then goes off and promptly forgets what he looked like.  But the one who peers into the perfect law 12 of freedom and perseveres, and is not a hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, such a one shall be blessed in what he does."  James 1:23-25

That's all the time I have today.  I'll post more of these as they come to me.  In the mean time, if you can think of some, comment here and let us all in on it.

God Bless and have a wonderful Labor Day Holiday!

The Journey

Every once in a while, I get stuck in a rut. This post is from some email correspondence about one of those ruts that my good, good friends Clay Parker and David Nixon helped me get out of a while back. Friends like this don't come along too often, and I cherish them and thank God for putting them in my life. Add Chris Doyle to the mix and I have a "trifecta" of Christian Husbands and Fathers upon which I can lean on in any time of need. It's no mistake that I met all of these men through my wife, Kim! (Reason #2,452,701 to thank God for Kim!)

I discerned whether or not to post this due to the personal nature, but in the end I thought that if these words could encourage just one person who happens upon this little old "tiny E" blog, then it is worth posting.

I guess what it all boils down to for me is that I want to know the root of why I yo-yo between being in Grace and falling from Grace. I know I’m not supposed to look at others and gauge myself by appearances, but I see people who just beam with the Joy of the LORD, and quite frankly, I think I’m jealous or envious of that. To me, before I returned to the LORD around the year 2000, I was happy as a pig wallowing in the mud. Then God came to me and slapped me across the face and said, “Look, Chad, you’re in the mud. This is not my plan for you. Get up, let me wash you off and clean you up.” That made me very happy, and I remained in that happiness for a time, but then I started to remember how much fun it was to wallow in the mud. So, I go and jump back in it. Willfully. What is it about the mud? That’s what I’m searching for. If I could pinpoint the reason why I keep going back to the mud, I think I could really advance in my relationship with the LORD.

Yesterday I had a strange run. I listened to Gregorian Chant the whole time and just contemplated where I am. Then a thought came to me as I was taking note of the wind as I ran. There was a slight breeze blowing yesterday. When you run in a slight breeze, depending on what direction you’re going in, you either feel it or you don’t. In 93 degree heat, ANY breeze is welcome! Running with the wind, you don’t feel it and you get no relief from the heat. Running across it, you get a taste of the breeze and it feels good and makes you want more. Running against it you feel the fullness of the breeze. And I started to think that the breeze is like God. When I am doing His will, doing what I’m supposed to be doing, many times I don’t feel His presence. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I feel closer to God when I have fallen from Grace because that’s when I feel Him the most. That is when I know for a fact that there is nothing I can do to save my soul, only God’s Grace will save me, and I cry out to Him to have mercy and pity on this miserable sinner that I am. I’m like a kid who gets in trouble just so his dad will give him the attention that he needs. I know that none of this is right. I’m not trying to justify my sin by saying “but that’s how I feel God, so it’s ok.” I’m not saying that.

At the end of the run I sat down and was cooling off and I felt the breeze. Then two passages came to mind:

Be still and know that I am God. –Psalm 45:11

and 3 Kings 19:11-12 where God told Elisha to go on the mountain because He was going to pass by, so he goes and there was a strong wind breaking rocks, but that was not God, then an earthquake, but that was not God, then a fire, but that was not God. Then a quiet whispering breeze and THAT was God.

God is telling me to be still. To stop trying to figure it out.

I'm trying.

The Spiritual Side of Running

"Please stop to smell the flowers." -God

"Thus I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing. No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:26-27

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Mark 14:38

I have always felt a strong correlation between my physical health and my spiritual health, so the passages above are more like rallying cries. Spiritually and physically, I really feel the effects of Original Sin. When it comes down to anything that is healthy, for me at least, it is an uphill battle.

My Spirit wants to exercise at lunch, but my flesh wants to go eat Thai.

My Spirit wants to juice for breakfast, but my flesh wants a donut.

My Spirit wants to avoid bad habits, but my flesh cries out for them.

Praise God for His Mercy and Forgiveness and for Our Savior Jesus Christ to rescue us from our sins!!

Yesterday my Spirit scored a victory over my flesh whenever I finally got back out on the road for a run. I really love to run because it provides me with some of the best one-on-one time with the LORD that I've ever had. But yesterday was a bit different. Before I went out, I left a comment on my facebook account:

"Chad is: going for a run."

My reasoning is that if I put it on facebook, I can't back out! Virtual accountability as it were. So I get out there and start the run and immediately my flesh is staging a revolt! Knee pain, foot pain, leg pain, shortness of breath...and this is all in the first, no kidding, 50 yards of starting! As a matter of fact, in my head I was already composing my facebook comment for when I returned:

"Chad is: out of shape"
"Chad is: too fat to run"
"Chad is: not what I used to be"

But this is the one that really got me:

"Chad is: frustrated that my running efforts this year look more like 2008 than 2007"

2007 was a good year, and my goal this year was to match that. But LIFE happened in '08 and so far in '09 as well, and I didn't, and haven't, matched my goals I set for myself. So I was really ready to throw myself a great, big pity party right there on my run, but God just wouldn't let me. All I had to do was just stop feeling sorry for myself, and focus on the run and He took over. I began to remember how nice it was to pray while I ran. To think of things like the Sacrifice that Christ made for us all and how this little run is nothing compared to His walk to Calvary...uphill...with the Cross on His shoulders and thorns on His head, all so He could die for you and me. It really is profound, and again, it snaps one out of feeling sorry for oneself really quickly.

When I had to stop to walk for a little ways, I noticed a nice little flower in the grass and a thought occurred to me that God let me walk right now, just so I could see this pretty flower. He wanted me to see it, but why? The answer: to let me know that He is present with me right here and now. He literally wanted me to STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS!! So I plucked it up and tucked it in my watch band and there it remained for the duration of the run to serve as a reminder of His presence. The rest of the run just got better and better. My aches and pains went away as my body remembered that, "oh yeah, I remember this!" I focused less on myself and my thoughts turned heavenward and to those in need of prayer.

And once the run was over, I felt so good and was so happy that I ran at lunch instead of going out to eat. No food could provide the satisfaction that I was experiencing from that run. But like all things, tomorrow is a new day and the battle will begin anew, but:

"with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

So, in the end, God turned my frustration into encouragement. He turned a bad run into great run, and He gave my physical AND spiritual health a nice little boost!

And I'll close with one of the many ponderances (is that a word?) from my runs. I've really had some profound thoughts occur to me on runs, only to forget them before I can write them down. But some stick with me...

God doesn't want my first mile when my legs are fresh and my breathing is easy. That first mile is completed with little reliance on Him. If you can give at little to no cost to yourself, have you given anything? No, He wants my last mile, when I am totally spent and have nothing left to give but my breath, my sweat, my pain. In that last mile, it is only because of Him that I keep going.

Yesterday

This is a re-post of a note I wrote on my facebook account, but it is still very much fitting of how incredible yesterday was. So, instead of yardwork and grilling, it was baseball and Mass...now, that is a fantastic combination!

Wow, what a gorgeous and fantastic day yesterday was. Perfect weather! Why, yesterday was such a good day, I'm compelled to write a note about it!First of all I got to sleep in! After waking up, I was able to exercise and the boys even joined me at the end. It was so sweet...Elliot saw me huffing and puffing, so he left the room and came back with some Chocolate Milk for me and he said, "Here dad, I fixed you some chocolate milk in case you run out of water." My sweet baby!

After exercise it was homemade banana pancakes and coffee from my beautiful bride, Kim. I'd like to pause here and say that I've never been a coffee drinker until recently, and even now, I only like coffee when it is made at home. I find that the only way I can enjoy it is with Kim. She makes the perfect cup, but it's not just the taste. It is being HOME. I've tried drinking coffee at work and do not like it at all, and even getting a coffee at Starbucks just isn't the same as the experience I have at home.

Next on the agenda was to get some landscaping things and party supplies for the boys' birthday party next weekend. We bought 10 bags of mulch and it covered our front flowerbed only (I'll have to get some more to finish the job.) Evan and Elliot gladly helped with this "dirty job." We then moved to cleaning up the back yard which was not completed but it stlill looks a lot better now. Kim went to the store and bought some ribeye steaks to grill and Dos Equis Special Lager (green bottle.) My oh my it just does not get much better than that!

After the wonderful dinner and bathtime, me and the boys had a "slumber party" where we went up to the guest room and watched Inspector Gadget 2 while drawing Star Wars comics. Before the slumber party began, we said prayers and my boys all had some very profound prayers to say. Evan had so much to say that once we had gone around he asked if he could say "prayers part 2" because he thought of some more things to thank God for! So wonderful.

So, in a nutshell, yesterday was a lot like what I envision Heaven to be. Not only the perfect weather, but I was surrounded and enveloped in love and PEACE. Oh my, the Peace that I felt yesterday was unlike I've ever experienced. And we did so much, it was like the day was going to go on forever, and that was fine by me! So it was kind of like a little taste of Heaven and being in the "Eternal Now".

Yesterday, God answered a prayer I never actually prayed. Just the night before I pondered many things and I came to the conclusion that deep down, I felt like my best days were behind me. And that was the main reason why I want to do triathlons and 1/2 marathons and just try to get into good shape in general: I'm trying to prove to myself that while there are many, many good days behind me, the best is yet to come. Well, on Saturday, God showed me that He can take me AS I AM, and give me one of the best days of my life.Yesterday was awesome....I can't wait to see what God does TODAY!